Taking A Bite Out of College Football, One Girl Scout Cookie At A Time

Girl Scout Cookie season is similar to college football season; everyone craves it in the off-season. The yearning, followed by the dread when it ends almost as soon as it started. “I will freeze them and make them last longer.” But who are you kidding? Those cookies will never make it to the freezer; you will eat the whole box and the other six you have hidden around the house.

The only difference with football season is someone else is doling out your addiction one week at a time. You are powerless. You have to stick to their schedule. With the Girl Scout Cookies, you have all the power, along with a complete lack of self-control. It is a short tumultuous season, so while you are working through your F.A.D – Football Affective Disorder, grab a box of your favorite cookies and enjoy as I explain which teams match each iconic Girl Scout Cookie. Schools are in alphabetical order.

Alabama Crimson Tide – Savannah Smiles

Now Alabama could go one of two ways, they can be the Tagalongs because they seem to have the BIGGEST bandwagon fan base that just “Tags-A-Long” after them. However, I choose The Savannah Smiles, because they are “a crisp, zesty lemon wedge cookie dusted with powdered sugar.” A cookie you either love or absolutely despise. Personally, I am so far off the Bama bandwagon that my phone auto-corrects “Saban” to “Satan,” So, this is the perfect Girl Scout Cookie to describe Alabama: a sour little cookie, that gets you dirty with its powdered sugar and then mocks you with a fake smile.

Army Black Knights – Caramel Chocolate Chip

This caramel chocolate chip is described as follows: “rich caramel, semisweet chocolate chips, and a hint of sea salt in a chewy cookie.” In the same fashion that the Army is an All American classic team, the chocolate chip cookie is an All American classic. The caramel chips are the twist to the cookie. Head coach Jeff Monken is the twist to this team. The last two seasons, Monken has led the Black Knights to consecutive 10-plus-win seasons for the first time ever in Academy history.

Auburn Tigers – Golden Nut Cluster

This pecan cookie was covered in caramel and was around for one season, identical to Auburn’s one season of greatness with Cam Newton in 2010.

Boise State Broncos – Cinna-Spins

The Girl Scouts came out with Cinna-Spins in 2008, and following the fitness fad, these were sold in 100-calorie packs. Boise State is a fad. Their blue field is a fad. They have enjoyed some success, but like any fad, they will fade out. A fad is just that, a quick flash in the pan but then gone and forgotten. Coincidence that 2008 was the year after their 2007 Fiesta Bowl upset of Oklahoma? I think not.

Clemson Tigers – Thin Mints

Thin Mints is the number one favorite cookie flavor so naturally, Clemson would be the Thin Mints. The Thin Mints take down even the most disciplined dieter one sleeve at a time. Likewise, the Tigers have all the power to take down the best of the best.

Florida Gators – Mango Cremes

The discontinued Mango Cremes were a “healthy” treat that debuted in 2013. The crispy vanilla and coconut sandwich cookie was filled with “a tangy mango-flavored crème enhanced with the nutrients found in fruits.” Wait. What? The Mango-Cremes were made by a company called Nutrifusion, the ‘Mango’ filling was made from rehydrated apples, oranges, cranberries, pomegranate, limes, strawberries, and shiitake mushrooms (for Vitamin D). That seems to describe the random group of grapes they have at Florida.

Georgia Bulldogs – Do-si-dos

A “crunchy oatmeal sandwich cookie with creamy peanut butter filling.” Ultimately, that crunchy cookie is the epitome of Georgia. And as my editor, LB, so eloquently stated: “They make it to the end and then crumble under pressure.” I believe she hit the nail on the head; not a thing I can add to explain it any better.

LSU Tigers – Tagalongs

The Tigers are my pick for the Tagalongs. A “crispy cookie layered with peanut butter and covered with a chocolatey coating.” They have the team depth equivalent to the layers of the cookie. They are a classic combination like the chocolate and peanut butter, always a fun treat to eat and LSU is always fun to watch, even if you are just watching Mike VII the live LSU mascot on Tiger Cam.

Miami Hurricanes – Kookaburras

One article described this as “The lovechild of a Rice Krispies treat and a Twix bar.” They were available in the 1980s, and since Miami had the most National Championships from 1980-1989 with three, they get the honor of this tasty morsel. Rectangular cookies with crispy rice, caramel, and chocolate. Yes, please!

Michigan Wolverines- VAN’CHOS

Available from 1974 to 1983, these chocolate and vanilla sandwich cookies (think Oreos) came in an assorted box. These were a throwback to Girl Scout Cookies’ original flavors.  Michigan is a relevant team that is trying to get back to their glory days, with their well-known alumnus head coach. Their famed history is a throwback to college football’s early days when the Big Ten dominated smash mouth football.

Nebraska Cornhuskers- Snaps

These little cookies were available from 1993 to 1997, which mostly coincides with Tom Osborne and Tommie Frazier‘s Nebraska ride on top of the college football wave. These iced oatmeal raisin cookies are a classic and comfortable favorite. Nebraska was a classic and comfortable fan favorite during the Osborne/Frazier era.

Notre Dame Fighting Irish – Trefoils/Shortbread

The Trefoils are described as “delicate-tasting shortbread that is delightfully simple and satisfying.” Notre Dame is a school with a storied history; Touchdown Jesus is a must experience for every avid fan. As college football fans grow and mature into their fandom, at some point they will experience a moment of fondness for ole Notre Dame, even if it is just cheering for them while watching any multitude of football movies centered around them. Simple and satifying.

Ohio State Buckeyes- Samoas 

Another team, and cookie, that you absolutely love or hate. Described as “crisp cookies, coated in caramel, sprinkled with toasted coconut, and striped with a dark chocolatey coating.” Sounds perfect except the pesky coconut. It is a Keebler Fudge Strip taken up just one too many notches, and it leaves a funky taste and bad texture in your mouth.

Oklahoma Sooners – S’Mores

These are fairly new cookies. A “crunchy graham sandwich cookies with creamy chocolate and marshmallowy filling.” Lincoln Riley is a fairly new head coach leading a classic football program filled with a rich history. S’mores are a tasty treat with a long rich history of its own, a feel-good treat that is always fun to make and eat.

Funny thing is when I googled the history of S’Mores here is what came up first: “No one knows for sure who invented the s’more. However, the first published recipe for “Some Mores” was in a 1927 publication called Tramping and Trailing with the Girl Scouts. Loretta Scott Crew, who made them for Girl Scouts by the campfire, is given credit for the recipe.” It took almost a century for them to finally make them into a cookie in 2017, incidentally the same year Lincoln Riley became The Sooners head coach. While Bob Stoops was not at Oklahoma a century, he was there 18 seasons, which is a rare feat these days in our microwave society.

Southern Cal Trojans – Olé Olés

From 2001-2003, these cookies made a short run appearance. By the same token, so did Pete Carroll and his USC Trojans. Although Carroll’s Trojans had a slightly longer run than the cookies. The cookie description seems to sum up the Carroll-led USC teams perfectly,  “a reduced fat cookie covered in powdered sugar with pecans and coconut.” Years later, it would be revealed that the Carroll years were covering all the fruits and nuts in a sweet sugary coating.

South Carolina Gamecocks – The Praline Royale

The Praline Royale was a “soft vanilla cookie with praline filling, pecans, coconut, and chocolate drizzled on top.” The Gamecocks are layered like this cookie. They have the player depth, they have the goods, they are SEC royalty, but will they ever make a comeback?

Tennessee Volunteers – Animal Treasures

The Animal Treasures are described as “a mouth-watering shortbread cookie dipped in rich fudge and embossed with endangered animals”. Tennessee is looking to get back to glory, yet they’re playoff runs are like the animals embossed on the cookies: ENDANGERED.

University of Central Florida Knights – Toffee-Tastic

“Indulgently rich, buttery cookies with sweet, crunchy golden toffee bits. A gluten-free variety offered only in select markets for as long as supplies last.” UCF is the gluten-free fad of the day. They made a splash, they called themselves National Champions and went undefeated for two consecutive seasons. The consecutive wins ran out just as the description stated: “as long as supplies last.”

Vanderbilt Commodores – Shout Outs

The Girl Scout Shout Outs were available from 2010-2012 and were light and crisp Belgian-style caramelized cookies. I am giving Vanderbilt the Shout Outs because I cover Vandy here at Last Word on College Football. It is worth mentioning that Vandy had a tiny bit of success in that 2010-2012 time frame.

Flavor Savors

Flavor only lasts for so long, much like Girl Scout Cookie season and college football season. The off-season seems to stretch on forever. So, my overly active mind and ferocious appetite for football lead me here. I found some great discontinued flavors and descriptions from a 2016 article called Do You Remember These 15 Discontinued Girl Scout Cookies? It is a funny, fast read and very helpful in comparing college football to Girl Scout Cookies. So, stockpile your Girl Scout Cookies! You have a little over six months until college football is back, and 10 months until Girl Scout Cookie season 2020 kicks off.

 

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