Stanford’s Loss to Washington, As Told in GIFs

SEATTLE, WA - SEPTEMBER 30: Running back Christian McCaffrey #5 of the Stanford Cardinal collides with umpire Tim Schroeder during the game against the Washington Huskies on September 30, 2016 at Husky Stadium in Seattle, Washington. The Huskies defeated the Cardinal 44-6. (Photo by Otto Greule Jr/Getty Images)

Unless you’ve recently taken up residence beneath a large rock (it’s election season, who can blame you?), you’ll know that Stanford was completely dismantled by Washington last Friday. As such, it’s taken me days to process my thoughts and feelings about the game. Even now, I’m only able to verbalize my disappointment and frustration in GIFs, guttural sounds, and that one upside-down-face emoji. You know the one. I’ll stick to my strength, though: GIFs.

As my husband aptly pointed out: whether you pronounce it JIF or GIF, there’s only one way to pronounce ass-kicking.

Big thanks to my twitter friends for sending me some of their most frustrating moments.

To truly understand what happened last Friday in Seattle, I have to back up a few years to explain the sequence of events that ultimately led to this loss. Last Friday night was almost three years in the making, and one that I assumed would happen after Washington’s head coach Steve Sarkisian left for USC and former Boise State head coach Chris Petersen took over. Because let’s be real: going from Sark to Chris Petersen is like being given a purse full of gold coins in exchange for an old gym sock.

Washington fans when Petersen was hired:


Me when Petersen was hired:


For two seasons, all was quiet on the northern front – UDub went 8-6 in 2014 and 7-6 in 2015. But I knew it was only a matter of time.

Are you guys sure you don’t want to hire Lane Kiffin instead? ::nervous laughter::

I had a feeling that Washington would get the best of the Cardinal this year. This was confirmed when Stanford’s schedule revealed a Friday match-up with UDub. It seemed foreboding.

I assume Petersen brought the Bronco head with him from Boise.

And then days before the game we learned that both starting cornerbacks, a wide receiver, a tight end, the fullback, and an offensive lineman would miss the game due to injuries.


Even so, Stanford arrived in Washington feeling confident.


But once the game started, it was quickly apparent that Stanford was unprepared and over-matched. Stanford’s first possession was unproductive, and Washington quickly scored on the next drive.

Annoying, but no big deal. 

Then Stanford’s offense failed to score again, but UDub did [again] on the next possession.

Not funny guys. Get it together. 

Then lots of things happened. I’d rather not recap in too much detail. Instead, imagine that upside-down-face emoji.

Down 23-0 with seconds remaining in the half, David Shaw elected to punt instead of asking quarterback Ryan Burns to throw downfield:

Still completely baffled by that. 

Into the second half. Stanford forced a punt, but the ball hit a Stanford player in the back. Washington recovered and then scored on the ensuing drive.

Stanford desperately requires a wizard up in this piece. 

But then! In the third quarter! Finally! Stanford scores!


Then they went for two and that, uh, didn’t go so well.

OK, no more going for two.

At some point in the third quarter, I committed the Cardinal sin (pun intended) and changed the channel to the Dodgers vs. Giants, which looked a lot like this:


The Giants got me feeling so good that I briefly switched back to the Stanford game only to see more of this:

So, uh, back to the Giants until the Apocalypse in Washington is over. 

After the game, the box score was unforgiving:

  • McCaffrey: 49 rushing yards
  • Washington Defense: Eight sacks and 10 tackles for a loss
  • Stanford Defense: Zero sacks and one tackle for a loss
  • Stanford: two turnovers

In summary, Stanford vs. Washington:


End scene.



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